Art on a VW Bus #3

Art on a VW Bus #3

February 2013:

Flashback to 2000: We left organized church and stepped away from Christian culture, in order to pursue our understanding of Jesus without all the trappings. We gave up large Sunday morning services for small gatherings of very intentional minded seekers of Jesus. Such light, clarity, and pure moments of love.

In 2012, we returned to "full time professional camp ministry." For various reasons, it was a good move for our family. But one of the hardest parts of moving was leaving our tight knit tribe & spiritual community. Due to the nature of my job, I was thrust back into a Christian culture that I was no longer in step with. I found myself overwhelmed with the noise of extra verses, bridges, instruments, and, "Jesus, just...."  Where was the simple joy of gathering in the stillness? Where was the peacefulness of gathering in the presence of the Light?

This piece was done in the midst of one such extremely loud, and somewhat emotionally manipulative large worship/Christian concert gathering I found myself in. I sat as far back as possible in a crowd of over 400 people, wondering if God could hear my heart thoughts over the noise. In Quaker practice, I sat silently until I found Center, focusing on bearing witness to God's still, small voice. I aloud God's light to speak peace to my heart in the middle of the loudness.

My muddled swirling purple soul began to move into the stillness of Christ light.

Art on a VW Bus #2

Art on a VW Bus #2

Circa May-June 2012

Again, still enthralled with the mandala form. I remember wondering if a mandala would be more uniform if I used just the space of a square, rather than the rectangle of my paper. Similar to how origami works better with a perfect square. I was also experimenting with the different shades of color in the watercolor kit. For some reason, in many of my pieces, I depict a soul, my soul, as a purple color. And just as a soul, my soul, is complex, purple can be a complex color to mix to the exact shade that is swirling in my mind. 

In this piece, my soul was muddied, not the brilliant purple I want to be. There is a remnant of fun and free-flowingness in the purple swirls, yet it became rhythmic and repetitive. Maybe for some souls this would be a safe place to reside, but my heart yearns for more. The black line between the purple and the mandala felt like an uncrossable line. The mandala side is bursting with colors, bright and clear, with nuances of highlights. This is how I want to live. Yet too often, I am unable to cross that line. I get stuck in the expectations and the should have could haves. Yet, as I worked on this piece, I was encouraged. Even though I felt stuck, I had a vision of what I could be, of the soul work that was happening. 

And so, my tribe and I camp named me "Wildflower." To reflect who I am and will be when I live in the God given freedom of me.

Art on a VW Bus #1

Art on a VW Bus

There are two main ways I connect with God. Creating and Nature. In the past, connecting with God through Nature meant days long backpacking trips or hours spent in the canyons of Smith Rock climbing. Since moving to the Valley and working full time, I've had to find ways to connect with God that can be done in shorter stints of time. And so began my Traveling Art Pouch (I'll describe this in another post later.)

Circa May-June 2012: This one began as an exploratory of a new traveling watercolor kit I received from a dear friend. Green has always been my go to color: hence, the color of our 1979 VW Bus (yep, more later) I had been contemplating what my "camp name" for my new job would be. (Every one at camp has a camp name: defines parts of who they are that aren't necessarily covered in your traditional name. It becomes your alter ego.) I was trying to incorporate ideas of freedom, color, nature, green, flowers, etc. Much like the elements of my new tattoo. 

I was also enthralled with the idea of mandalas as a spiritual discipline. In many ways, this very asymmetrical free form mandala reflects my spiritual life. A major theme in my life with God is unlearning the "have to's." Letting go of the should do's. Finding freedom in Christ. I still struggle with this.

Obviously, this piece is unfinished....also very reflective of me. I'm continually trying to figure out who I am & how I relate to the world.

Oh...what's my camp name?  Stay tuned....

6 years later

You know how, in the movies, when you are all caught up in a scene and something big happens, and then BOOM.

Black screen. 

Then, the music starts again. You get a wide angle landscape shot, and then words appear? 

6 years later

 Yep, that's what just happened in Creating Good Soil Blogtown. Sometimes, I'm not even sure if I'm still creating good soil.

Kiddos 3 October 2011

But here are the highlights of the past 6 years:

Got a tattoo

Moved from Sunny Central Oregon to Rainy Willamette Valley.
Began working & living full time/year round at a summer camp

The beautiful space we live and work in

I love hiring, training and mentoring amazing college students 

Kids being silly at our camp

 Sold our Central Oregon home
 Sold Green Plow Coffee Roasters
 Homeschooled

circa 2013

Instagram
Traveled to Washington DC, Mexico (2x), Nepal, California, Colorado, Washington, Idaho, Vancouver/Victoria BC.
Helped kids discover amazing, crazy and sometimes expensive hobbies
All 3 kids eventually decided to go back to school
Husband works full time too


 Lowlights include:
 Being away from my tribe
 Ovarian cyst surgery
 Still surviving a fairly drastic faith community split
 Not having time to create regularly


All that said, I find myself in a place where I don't know what the next scene looks like. But for some reason, I find myself needing to write again.

Kiddos 3 + Furbaby 2017

Another journal journey...

A peek into my journal....

So far, so good....

So far, I love homeschooling.

Having our family on only 2 schedules rather than 4 or five is so freeing! So often as a small business owner, we have “minor” emergencies…. out of milk, bathroom is not working, etc. We have to be available sometimes at a moments notice. Having the kiddos with me has been more freeing then I thought it would be. No longer do I have to worry about missing the bus, or not being able to be at someone’s special presentation. We have more family time together during the week when Pat gets off after his shift. Since we’ve been home together during the week, we have more energy and space for hanging out with friends or having an adventure during the weekend. This newfound freedom is glorious.


Most days we head up to our newly redecorated classroom/office/creative space around 8:30-9 and get started with school. We’re doing a crazy combo of Sonlight/Waldorf/Co-op homeschool. Obviously, we’re not a textbook (literally and figuratively) homeschool family! I hope that once we are a bit more disciplined in our routine, we will have a better idea of what works for us. Jbug has taken to homeschooling like a fish to water. (Note to anyone who has struggled with attachment issues: consider homeschooling.) I have been amazed at the way this little one has blossomed by having close contact with mom and dad most of the day, without having to figure out how to interact with 30 other classmates. She is surrounded with those she knows and loves, who know, love and for the most part understand her. After years of headaches, stomachaches, tantrums, and counseling sessions, it feels as if we have made extreme progress in just weeks with the chosen-for-us little one! Micah is still trying to figure out how homeschool works (aren’t we all?) It has defiantly been more challenging. No longer are the answers being spoon fed. It feels good to challenge his amazing brain! Kj has already discovered the freedom of homeschooling last year, although I am asking for more from her this year. She is very independent and already thinking of testing a grade level ahead. I better start brushing up on my math skills. We love being able to attend Karate classes during the day, or hit a geocache on the way home. Afternoons are spent at the coffeehouse, reading, tending the bar, running errands, etc.

So far, so good.

One Day Without Shoes

Thought I'd share what our family is doing today. Check out www.onedaywithoutshoes.com or check the tweets at #hardwithoutshoes. Consider it a modern day fast and sackcloth. This is the letter I sent out to the kids' teachers.

Hi Wonderful Educators,

So..... Our family does a lot of conversing about those in the world that are less fortunate then ourselves. We try to help out in different ways & stand for issues of injustice. This week we remembered hearing about an event called "One Day Without Shoes" This event, held today on April 8th, brings awareness that most children in developing countries go without basic necessities like shoes...this limits their ability to go to school, and protect themselves from debilitating diseases. Our kids would like to show their concern by participating in this day. Basically, one goes about their day as normal except without shoes.

We have spoken with both of them and feel that their hearts are definitely in the right place. They are choosing to go without shoes to "respect those who do not have shoes." We are providing them with t-shirts that reflect the message of the event and stickers that have a website for those who would like more information. We are asking them to not draw attention to themselves and to remain in an attitude of learning and respect.

We would ask that you as teachers and administrators respect their right to reflect their growing conscience of the world around them. We do understand that if their actions become disruptive to the learning environment that they will be asked to wear shoes. (They will each have a pair of sandals with them.)

Thank you....We know that this is an unusual request. Feel free to contact us for any reason.

Sincerely,

Pat and Mandy

A new label

After reading this blog, I realized, once again, how big our God is. I find it encouraging that our journey of mission....community living, house church, emergent, whatever form it has taken over the years, has been echoed across the globe. It's crazy good that God moves the hearts of his people in such similar ways. While a part of my humanness says, "oh darn, I'm not as cutting edge as I thought," the other part of me is glad to see a bit of a path ahead. An inkling of what might be. But for now, I'm looking forward to embracing a new label: social entrepreneur. Maybe even getting to help form the meanings.

Slow down, you move too fast

This summer (8 months ago) a friend gave me a book called Slow is beautiful. I’ve been too busy to read it. But now, I’m finally starting to realize my need for slow. It is not as strong as my need of silence (I tend to get that on a daily basis after ever one else has gone to sleep.) I would truly starve without silence at some point in my day. But now after 8 months of intense speed (major renovation and starting a high profile business) I’m starting to hope for a more sustainable rhythm.

Even as my friend handed me the book, she said that we were entering a season where this book might seem impossible. Maybe now I can find the book again under the piles of 8 months of clutter.

What started this need, this pull my nose off the grindstone? I cleaned my office. Once the clutter was reduced, a rhythm, a system found it’s place. It’s only about a 4 foot square corner of control. But now I’ve maintained it for a total of 4 days! There is a freedom in a bit of rules. Leave the desk as clean as you found it. File it! Take action.

Admittedly it’s only been 4 days. True, it’s only 4 feet square. I’ve got a whole house to deal with now. And that is just physical space. What about my spirit? My body? My finances? My relationships? There’s a lot of clutter that has been shelved and piled these past 8 months. God, I get overwhelmed when I think about the energy and effort to pull things back to reasonable speed and order. Hell, it took me 2 days to clean and organize my desk.

I’m grateful for the groundwork God has done in me over the years. His instilling in me a love of nature, community and peace will continue to be my pillars as I rebuild. A great strength is that we are surrounded by amazing folks who hold to similar values, a beautiful landscape to get lost in, and hearts begging for inner peace. I’m not going to make goals, resolutions or promises of daily updates on my progress. That would just add to the overwhelmingness . For now it is just enough to state that I am ready to begin the process and acknowledge the need of slow.

The view from my window

Yeah, the view from my window has changed.

Actually, the window I look out the most has changed. I used to gaze out our dining room window at my three little ones playing on the swingset. I am soooo thankful for the time I got to spend with them when they were little. Good soil for my little ones. Now, they're all in grade school.

After two weeks of Christmas vacation at home with the kiddos, it's back to the regularly scheduled program. We all wake up and head out the door at the same time. They to fill their heads with knowledge. I to fill empty coffee cups with great coffee and hopefully a drop of love|peace too. I missed all my people at the shop. I really feel that God has placed me where I belong right now. Those mothering skills of the past 11 years go really well into the customer service realm. 3 different kids= 3 different sandwiches. 3 different customers=3 different drinks. Oops...a dropped glass jar of peanut butter. Oops....a dropped ceramic cup. (Actually, it was me who broke a cup today!)

I find some of the same "mothering hen" emotions come into play at the shop, too. If I have a regular customer who doesn't show up for a while, I start to worry a bit. After a well played music gig, I rejoice for the success of the musician. I love gazing out around the shop and seeing my community connecting. Yeah, the window is different, but the view is pretty much the same

What a Song!

Every once in a while, a new song catches in my heart. This one captures so much of what's important to me. Enjoy!

The Hand Song by Nickel Creek

The boy only wanting to give mother something,
And all of her roses had bloomed.

Looking at him as he came rushing in,
without knowing her roses were doomed.

All she could see were some thorns buried deep,
And tears that he cried as she tended his wounds.

And she knew it was love, it was what she could understand.
He was showing his love and that's how he hurt his hands.

He still remembers that night as a child, on his mothers knee.
She held him close and she opened her Bible, and quietly started to read.

Then seeing a picture of Jesus, he cried out:
"Mama he's got some scars like me!"

And he knew it was love, it was what he could understand.
He was showing his love, and that's how he hurt his hands.

(instrumental break)

Now the boy is grown and moved out on his own.
When Uncle Sam comes along.
A foreign affair, but our young men are there.
And luck had his number drawn.

It wasn't that long till our hero was gone, he gave to a friend what he learned from the cross.

But they knew it was love, it one they could understand.
He was showing his love, and that's how he hurt his hands.

It was one they could understand.

He was showing his love, and that's how he hurt his hands.

How does your garden grow?

My garden has surprised me this year. I rarely get out to it....we've been doing a major remodel at the coffeehouse. My care of it has been an occasional weeding frenzy while talking on the phone, or rushing out to grab a handful of greens for dinner. Even without daily supervision, we've manage to harvest lettuce, turnips, cabbage, raspberries, and carrots. Corn was waist high by the fourth of July. And of course, there will be more squash and zucchini than anyone needs. All I can say for the success of it this year is a big thank you to whoever invented automatic watering systems! That, and years of compost and hard work.

Reminds me of our spiritual lives. There are seasons of hard work, pulling out the weeds in our souls, allowing God to turn the bad stuff into good stuff, planting a few seeds.  Then He allows us a season of just-add-water. Regular watering of our hearts. He's in charge of the rest...the growth that occurs daily without us even noticing. A week, a month, a season later, we look back and say, "Wow, look how much I've grown! See what God can do if I let Him be in charge!"

Thanks God, for being faithful to attend to the details in the garden of my heart.

Livin' La Vida Local

Today the kids and I went for a What-cha-ma-call-it hunt. The local library hides this crazy handmade sock puppet in one of the downtown stores. Whoever finds it and reports back to the library first, gets a brand new book for keeps. Hearing of the new quest last week, the kids made their strategy.
"We'll only go to the stores that like kids. And not any of the ones where the What-cha-ma-call-it has been hidden. We'll start at 9:30 after some of the stores have already been open, and get back to the library by 10, when it opens."
Things didn't go exactly as planned. I had forgotten "The Plan," and headed out for errands while my Mountain Man struggled to herd everyone out for a day of work at the coffeehouse. The car died, so I took it to the Subaru guy and walked back to the coffeehouse, dressed in full out paint clothes. Finally around 11:30, we were walking the newly renovated 6th street searching for a sock puppet. Tried the pet store...only really cute puppies. Tried the pottery place...nope. The card shop. Then, the shoe shop across the street from our soon to be opened coffeehouse.
Over the past couple of months, I've gotten to know Steve, the shoe guy, a bit. He's one of our new "neighbors" downtown. We chatted a bit while the kids searched the store, finally spoting the sock puppet in -where else?- a boot. That ended our conversation quickly in a "controlled sprint" to the library.
Two of our favorite librarians, Heidi and Linda, were bombarded by my kiddos three all whispering (loudly) "We found the What-cha-ma-call-it! At Steve's shop!"
Linda says to us, "It's always so cool when our regulars find it!" She and I chat about the coffeehouse....Our librarian friends are excited for it to open too! We gather our prize, find a couple of more movies to check out, talk with a scrapbooking buddy, then head out.
Oh, but it's Monday...the Farmer's Market is half a block away. So we peruse the veggies, buy some kettle korn, beans, nectarines, cherries, catch up with an old neighbor. Finally at 1:30, we walk back to the coffeehouse ready to eat our Farmer's Market lunch.
All that within walking distance! All that among people we know and love! I'm lovin' this Local Life!!

Sacred Spaces

This week at Plowshare Coffee Roasters we had a gathering to celebrate God's gift of a space for our new business. I wrote this question on the wall as a way to focus on how/where God shows himself to us. I see sacred spaces as being a place where God and I connect. Space really does matter to me. For example, it's hard for me to center down in our living room. There's always so much energy in there (not to mention laundry). Perhaps I need to attempt to make it a more sacred space. My garden is one of those sacred spaces, a special spot out at Smith Rocks, these are current spaces. Back in my Newberg days, it was a corner armchair at Coffee Cottage, and the Big Swing at Camp Tilikum. I'm glad God is big enough to not be confined to one space!

A touch of spring

Monday, I got to hang my laundry on the line.

Ahhh....Peace!

Maybe laundry lines don't do the same for you as they do for me. It's God's way of letting me feel like I'm accomplishing something, but at the same time breathing and communing with God's thoughts in the center of a beautiful landscape. (I'm mean the mountains that I can see from my backyard...not my brown twig and bare dirt flower beds.)

Thanks, God, for quiet moments in a crazy day.

Happy Rainbow Birthday, J-Bug!

Thought you all might like to see why I haven't updated this for a while....We were partying! Happy Birthday, J-bug!
Birthdays are big around here. The birthday kid chooses a theme and away we go! J-bug chose a Rainbow Party. Take a look....Each kiddo got to choose their own color of the rainbow for an Italian Soda. (That's what happens when your folks are opening a coffee house.)
Pretty gift bags all in a row! We made ribbon streamers, danced to Somewhere over the Rainbow, and hung rainbow curling ribbon everywhere!

Words I never thought I would hear together

"FONDUE FIGHT!!.......Hurry, get onthe boat!"

-uttered by Boodle-Bug in some sort of imaginary game involving the couch and all the stuffed animals in the house.

Lord, Save Us From Your Followers Movie Night

Our soon-to-be Plowshare coffeehouse is partnering with two local churches to show the movie: Lord Save Us From Your Followers. This documentary explores the collision between faith and culture in America.

Come have a yummy latte and join the conversation!

Sunday, January 18th
5:30pm
at The Bridge
2398 West Antler Avenue
Redmond, Oregon

When Life gives you scraps....

I’ve been quilting a bunch today. It’s what I like to do in the winter months when it’s too cold and blowy to garden. That and scrapbook. I’m a part of this block of the month quilt club. Well, I thought it was a block a month, turns out its usually 4 or 5 blocks a month. And to top it off, I was indecisive about which color scheme to choose, the modern colors or the more traditionally, so I chose both. Now I’ve gone from 1 block a month, to 8, even 10. Why do I do this to myself? It’s something I love to do, but then I end up in overkill, and the perfectionist in me won’t let go.

Here’s the irony: I love quilting and similarly scrapbooking because of the boundaries. I usually limit myself to 3-5 colors. Might have 4-5 patterns of each color, but there is still a limit. Then there are size constraints. A quilt block or a scrap page at 12 x 12 inches is an easy finish for me. I can start and finish one in a day if all the planets align. (As a mom of three, a business owner (2 business in fact), a crazy work schedule for my husband, and one who takes seriously her call to be a minister to all, there’s not a lot of hang time.) I want to see a finished product once in a while. I’m not even thinking about the finish quilt on a bed or a whole years album done, just a single block or page.

I’m seeing some parallels here, in my approach to crafting and life. Bite off a whole lot more than you can truly handle. Then step by step, scrap by scrap, find a small accomplishment. Enjoy the process of colors and chaos. Every once in a while step back, admire where you're at, make a brief plan and keep trudging through. My challenge is to know that it’s not my great artistic ability or my amazing organizational ability that pulls the whole thing together. It’s finding and relying on boundaries. If I start throwing in a different color in each block, the chaos becomes overwhelming and the patterns get lost.

In life, it’s learning the boundaries that God has given me. Like recognizing when my body needs iron, or my spirit needs quiet or my family needs “just us” time. I need to rely on God’s boundaries while I come through each crisis with a friend, all the scraps of her life that just got jumbled up….Maybe I will even get to help her put them back in order, in the pattern God has in mind. Through stitches of prayer help her hold it together. I need God-eyes for both of us see the joy in the process. (That is so easily said, harder to do.) Sometimes, after much time, I get see the final product of that block in her life. Hang around longer, maybe we’ll see the whole life quilt together. Life blocks sure take a lot longer than those fabric 12 x 12 blocks. (I’m sure there is some great lesson about patience in there!)

Maybe today’s boundary is to rest and enjoy my quilting. Speaking of which, I’ve got 7 more blocks to finish.