Art on a VW Bus #3

Art on a VW Bus #3

February 2013:

Flashback to 2000: We left organized church and stepped away from Christian culture, in order to pursue our understanding of Jesus without all the trappings. We gave up large Sunday morning services for small gatherings of very intentional minded seekers of Jesus. Such light, clarity, and pure moments of love.

In 2012, we returned to "full time professional camp ministry." For various reasons, it was a good move for our family. But one of the hardest parts of moving was leaving our tight knit tribe & spiritual community. Due to the nature of my job, I was thrust back into a Christian culture that I was no longer in step with. I found myself overwhelmed with the noise of extra verses, bridges, instruments, and, "Jesus, just...."  Where was the simple joy of gathering in the stillness? Where was the peacefulness of gathering in the presence of the Light?

This piece was done in the midst of one such extremely loud, and somewhat emotionally manipulative large worship/Christian concert gathering I found myself in. I sat as far back as possible in a crowd of over 400 people, wondering if God could hear my heart thoughts over the noise. In Quaker practice, I sat silently until I found Center, focusing on bearing witness to God's still, small voice. I aloud God's light to speak peace to my heart in the middle of the loudness.

My muddled swirling purple soul began to move into the stillness of Christ light.

Art on a VW Bus #2

Art on a VW Bus #2

Circa May-June 2012

Again, still enthralled with the mandala form. I remember wondering if a mandala would be more uniform if I used just the space of a square, rather than the rectangle of my paper. Similar to how origami works better with a perfect square. I was also experimenting with the different shades of color in the watercolor kit. For some reason, in many of my pieces, I depict a soul, my soul, as a purple color. And just as a soul, my soul, is complex, purple can be a complex color to mix to the exact shade that is swirling in my mind. 

In this piece, my soul was muddied, not the brilliant purple I want to be. There is a remnant of fun and free-flowingness in the purple swirls, yet it became rhythmic and repetitive. Maybe for some souls this would be a safe place to reside, but my heart yearns for more. The black line between the purple and the mandala felt like an uncrossable line. The mandala side is bursting with colors, bright and clear, with nuances of highlights. This is how I want to live. Yet too often, I am unable to cross that line. I get stuck in the expectations and the should have could haves. Yet, as I worked on this piece, I was encouraged. Even though I felt stuck, I had a vision of what I could be, of the soul work that was happening. 

And so, my tribe and I camp named me "Wildflower." To reflect who I am and will be when I live in the God given freedom of me.